Modern Dating

I have been single for a while and love every minute of it. During that time I met random guys but nobody really got my heart. 

Recently, I started to feel that having someone close would be nice so I put myself online. Yes, I signed up to various online dating sites and started to share something little about myself with the total strangers.

I even went on a few dates and yes, most of them were disasters. Guys were not what they pretended to be or there was no mutual feeling.

Then I also had some good dates but even though I thought it went well, guys stopped communicating with me few days after the first date. No, I didn't sleep with them on the first date. We briefly exchanged few information about each other but that was all. I didn't know what was going on. Why am I not good enough? Why they will not at least tell me the reason why? 

I was feeling more down and frustrated with every new guy who disappeared from my life again. Despite that I continued and still, guys were practically saying NO to me.

Few weeks back I met a guy on Tinder. We talked, we went on a date and it went really well. I have had an amazing evening with him full of laughter and great conversation. We talked the following day and he told me he is going out with his friends that night. It was cool. Why it wouldn't be. I wanted to stay at home, rest and relax.The next day he wrote me that he is sorry, but he has met someone else and it got serious pretty fast. He also said that he has chosen her and that he apologises for misleading me and that I am a great women and will meet someone else. Just like that. That was the moment when I felt the physical pain in my heart. It surely wasn't for the first time but it was the first time I allowed myself to feel it. I was crying, holding my heart and letting all that pain I had inside, out. I was confused and didn't know why now? Why this hurts when this guy meant nothing to me? And so I was asking myself why does it hurt so much? 

I realised that I was holding all the pain inside for a long time. I never let myself to grieve after the last break up which was more than 3 years ago. I was acting like Im made of stone and always OK. 

Now I feel like a peeled onion. All the layers are gone and there is me again. With no mask on my face and no grudge in my heart. I feel pain free and happy again.

Well, to finish the story, that guy who started the waterfall of my tears has written to me only 3 days later to tell me that: My "someone else" isn't going well. We moved way too fast and now pulling away. I feel stupid that I didn't give you a chance. Let me know what you are up to, we can catch that movie or something else.

Do you think I wrote him? I decided to ignore him for now. Iam just laughing a lot. I realised that person isn't person for life. It is not certainly a person with whom I wish to spend my precious time.

I know that the modern dating is about fast selection and having so many options like everything else in our lives now. We have too many options and we think that playing with others people feelings and emotion  is like playing a game on your mobile. That nothing happen if we click on buttons -  delete, erase, find new, like, dislike etc...

Actually yes, something great can happen. Bad or good but it is real and it is beautiful to experience it.